Our Kashmir gimmicks

Hon Mr Chidambaram had just made one of the most atrocious statements in our foreign affairs history when he said ‘Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has made the policy of the government clear on many occasions. We are not afraid of dialogue…we are not shying away from talks. There will be a dialogue with every section of political opinion on the Kashmir problem’.

Is this a f***ing policy?

Dear Sir, I am not a lawyer, neither am I a certified expert on strategic affairs, but I have enough common sense to understand & judge how absurd your remark is. Your statement only reflects what should typically be called a part of the policy framework. i.e: who are the main players to engage if we are to resolve the crisis. Obviously, the Pakistan govt is one. The other could be the pro-terrorist, pro-Pakistani, anti-India separatists aka the Hurriyat Conference (all factions). I’d say that the people of J&K should not be a party to the dialogue since they have voted for & elected a state Govt which would represent them, hence justifying that they want to be a part of India. However, if we are open to their right of self-determination crap, then they too could be included in the process. Thankfully, the Govt is at least clear on one aspect, that it does not seek third party mediation for resolution of the dispute.

Now, let me define what could be our actual Kashmir policy:

• Giving up J&K to whoever wants it. If the people of the state want it, organise a plebiscite (as per the UN resolution), grant it independence and declare it a free state; or give it off to Pakistan since it is the only prospective buyer. I doubt if the Chinese would be interested in the purchase deal.
• Going to War with Pakistan in the event that it does not stop the proxy war in the state & elsewhere in our country (give them a deadline). To start the assault, launch covert military strikes at terrorist camps across the border which would then lead to a full scale conventional war and eventually provoke Pakistan to launch nuclear warheads at us, before which, we must strike at them with full force & eliminate Pakistan from the world’s political map (I fully trust our Military forces. They have the capability to inflict maximum damage & crush any adversary). If we want to deter Pakistan from launching nuclear weapons at us in the first place, we must abolish the ‘No first use’ policy of our nuclear doctrine. I clearly remember the former Pakistan President Gen. Pervez Musharraf explicitly stating in an interview that in terms of conventional warfare since India had a definitive edge over them & in order to protect the territorial integrity & sanctity of the state, they would not blink an eyelid before launching nuclear weapons against us. Hence for us to save our a**, we need to mend our Nuclear Doctrine.
• Converting the Line of Control into the International Border. This means that we would have to let go of Pakistan-occupied-Kashmir (PoK).
• Recognising the International Border by reclaiming PoK. This can be done by using option 2 above. The only difference could be that by the time we take control of PoK (and before the war escalates to a nuclear level), Uncle Sam or some other useless entities like the UN call for a ceasefire & the conflict ends.

If the government is serious to resolve this imbroglio, it must first set its own house in order. We have to be crystal clear in our minds about what we want, our expectations, the extent to which we are willing to compromise & the repercussions of the probable solution. This approach of firing shots in the dark, hoping that it would hit some target, will not work, at least not in this case.

Swaminomics

I am not an ardent follower of Baba Ramdev, but have seen a bit of his gimmicks on television. I admit that he has motivated me to quit aerated drinks (cuz' he says cola’s are equivalent to toilet cleaners) & potato chips completely. As he propagates, I have also started having lauky (aka bottlegourd) juice first thing in the morning (testimony to the health effects of this juice is my father who religiously has it every single day & it has actually helped in keeping his sugar & cholesterol levels in check).

But I’m not here to heap praises on the guru. I am writing this to condemn the absolutely unnecessary criticism bestowed on him by everyone, especially the youth. I strongly defend the Baba, not for his views, but simply because of his right to express them! Our Constitution guarantees freedom of speech & expression as a fundamental right for every citizen. Then why make such a hue & cry if Baba Ramdev merely opens his gob?? Just because he openly expresses his displeasure on contentious issues (like gay rights)???

Speaking of rights, if : the present day youth have the right to be extremely vocal on a range of subjects & to blow their horns on changing attitudes & modernity; Political parties have the right to oppose any policies of the Govt; Civil society has the right to oppose any issues of national importance, so does the Guru. He has as much rights to publicly air his thoughts.

This is a clear example of how fraud our society is. Anyone who dares take on it, is censured. If supports it, is praised. The fundamental rights are not meant to sit peacefully in some statute in our Parliament. They are meant for us. For India. And how have we made a mockery of them!

Changing the Law...Cont'd

Some more changes/inclusions required in legislations that would help our nation:

11. Ban on the ‘Right to Strike’
12. Reservation for Women in Parliament
13. Amendment of the Nuclear Doctrine – scrap ‘No first Use’ policy
14. Compulsory social initiatives by ALL Corporates
15.Ban on Littering with punitive action for offenders
16.Public disclosure of income of all Political Parties
17. Cap on sports persons (specially Cricketer’s) endorsing products
18. Obligatory service in the Police/Armed forces for 2 years (called Conscription)
19. Mandatory Govt service for students graduating from IITs/IIMs

To the Mumbai Police Commissioner

My best friend sent this email to the Mumbai Police Commissioner:

Dear Sir,

I was very happy when I read your interview on rediff.com. I was happy to know that the government has finally spent some money to equip our policemen with modern weaponry. Though I am appalled to see that most policemen still carry vintage bolt action rifles that one would find only in museums in the western countries. But the courage that these men displayed during the terrorist attack was simply outstanding. I can definitely say that no policeman in the USA or any other developed nation would have even attempted to put up a fight with a .303 rifle. I have a few questions which I feel you may be able to answer. Please consider them as honest questions from a concerned citizen who travels by the local trains on a daily basis.

1. What use are the door frame metal detectors at Churchgate and other stations? People just walk through (sometimes they don't) and the poor machines keep beeping and making all types of funny electronic sounds, yet there is no one to check or monitor who is coming in and what is being carried into the station. I usually see a few policemen sitting on the desks nearby and chatting amongst each other. Also churchgate has so many entrances, not all of them have policemen. I have noticed this myself.


2. Sometimes I take my car to work on the 6 lane western express highway from Goregaon to bandra kurla complex. On an average it takes about 45 minutes for this 18 km drive. Sometimes I find that the traffic is moving very very slowly and I wonder why (the highway is so wide!!!). Then I come to the bottleneck which is usually a police blockade or Nakabandi where policemen park a van blocking a lane and place barriers across two other lanes, which leaves about a lane and a half for all the vehicles to pass by. I see that the policemen just keep looking at the vehicles. I don't know what purpose this nakabandi serves except that they just make me and a million others burn a few liters of extra fuel and increase our travel time to work by half an hour.


3. When you say that 2 men in the QRT have the ultramodern AK 47 rifles, the only question that comes to my mind is: Is the AK 47 an ultramodern weapon? Isn't it a 60 year old weapon? Isn't it one of the cheapest weapons used by everyone right from the Taliban to the civil war groups in Congo and Somalia? I mean, shouldn't we be talking FAMAS G2 and GALIL or MP5 or H&K G36 or the Benelli M4 Super 90 shotgun?

Sir, these questions are not intended to undermine the efforts being put in by our policemen. I can understand the pressures they go through, their working conditions. Being the son of a senior civil servant (My father was in the Ministry of Defence Production), I know that the citizens have become used to babu bashing and blaming the system and government servants for everything. These are just questions which came to my mind when I travel by train or car and while reading your interview.

Thank You

Regards,

Vikram Kaimal

PS: This is an excellent way to voice our concerns to the authorities on issues we face in our daily lives. If each one of us reciprocates this move, I am hopeful that there would be atleast one responsible soul in the sarkaari daftar who would ensure these pages do not pile up the waste paper bins!